I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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