I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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