I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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