Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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