Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
