birth control should be required to get into college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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