u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
