You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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