Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize