carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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