i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
