I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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