Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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