haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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