would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
