please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
