i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
