i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
