The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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