So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
