Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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