sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
