you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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