thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
