dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
