I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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