I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
