Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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