I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
