My first STD was from a foam party
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
