ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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