in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
