What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
