It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
