I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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