i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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