he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
