remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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