Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
accomplished twins. life is a go
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
