Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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