Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
