apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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