the day after is always just damage control
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
