actually, I'm a sock model
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
