But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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