So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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