I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
