no, he came in my armpit
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
