dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
