Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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