I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
