I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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