So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
