:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
