I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
a search helicopter?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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