take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
