There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
