Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
