I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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