We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
