he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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