If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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