I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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