I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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