Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
