the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize