Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
