the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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