I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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