alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How external is "for external use only"?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
