sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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