We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
