Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
