You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
