and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
