were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
