I could have mohawked her pubes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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