Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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