I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
