He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
