hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
