I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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