no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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