if you like me you must not know who I am
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
