mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
