I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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