I just threw up on my dentist
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
