So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
