Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
