im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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