uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
